I'll admit I have no clue how to get Link out of this mess. This is one of those instances where I just really wanted to make as big and convoluted a mess as I could just to see if I could write my way out afterwards.
 
    

When evil spreads across the land, and darkness rises and the monsters roam. When the creatures of the night make beautiful music, and the things that go bump in the night go bump with greater enthusiasm. When the world is in peril and is in need of a hero...

These guys are, sadly, the best the world can hope for. These are the adventures of the heroes of CVRPG. They mean well, they try hard, and occasionally they do the impossible...

They actually do something heroic.